1 post tagged “moving on”

i'm wandering this now foreign road to your heart, a road i used to know better...no, wholly. trying to remember, trying to recall my way there. out of sheer curiosity, i guess...or some sick fascination i might have with train wrecks. either way, you've changed so many things around...shit's intimidating. each step i take, it feels as if you're gonna come out of nowhere like some mad vengeful entity and punish me for even having the nerve to proceed. these dark beastly trees along the road are so threatening...and these skies i once marveled over with delight are no longer blue, no longer soulful. i look at them now and they're off black, storm-ridden, pained...and this realization immediately saddens me more than you know because i know it's a reflection of how you feel about me, and i can't get my emotions back together fast enough before you rush to scrutinize my flaw in agility. your bitterness is alive and real, and i get it; i know i could've tried to rectify this rift ages ago...but believe me when i say i'm sorry, mainly for turning you into someone afraid to admit you still have a heart, forbidding access to it even...because you don't want anyone else discovering you have more love to give, for fear of them doing damage too. you let me in just long enough to see the damage i've done, just long enough for me to feel some kinda guilt. you tell me i caused pain, drove it deep into you like a stake...coldly, precisely. to be real, i thought you were trying to kill me. i wanted to get you first. but i'm aware i killed other things in the process...beauty, TRUST, symmetry - all victims of my misguided selfishness. i destroyed these things, and i can't rebuild. there is no resurrecting the dead that is us, and that's the way it's supposed to be. certain kinds of hurt in this world are meant to be left alone, and you accept that and move on..